


Death. Dreams. Doves.

by riseupgirl



Series: letters from me to you. [3]
Category: My Chemical Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-07
Updated: 2013-06-07
Packaged: 2017-12-14 05:49:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/833462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/riseupgirl/pseuds/riseupgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I threw everything at something, then stood back and watched it sink or swim. If it swam, I was the happiest (and proudest) guy in the fucking world. If it sunk, I was nothing. I was sadness again. And that was what ruined us.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Death. Dreams. Doves.

Death. Dreams. Doves.

We were a bunch of kids. Technically, we were older than kids, but we all still acted like them. And I fucked it up.

I'm sorry.

I fucked it up from the beginning. From the moment we first stepped out onto that stage, I fucked it up. I'm not talking about the kisses or the lonely hotel nights spent in each others beds and arms. I'm talking about my recklessness. My belief that I could do anything and still get away with it.

I guess that was clear in the drugs and the booze. You guys knew about my addiction, tried to help me. But I pushed you away. I thought I could make it through, thought I could blaze my way through every obstacle in a rush of drug fueled self destruction. I was wrong. Instead, I just sunk deeper and deeper into my own sadness. Fucking sadness, with its claws and hooks and sweet taste more addictive than cocaine. I let myself get dragged in.

But even when I dragged myself out, I was still reckless. I still believed I could do anything, be anything. And maybe I could. But I wasn't careful enough. I was impulsive. I didn't plan. I threw everything at something, then stood back and watched it sink or swim. If it swam, I was the happiest (and proudest) guy in the fucking world. If it sunk, I was nothing. I was sadness again. And that was what ruined us.

So I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being such an impulsive, reckless idiot. I'm sorry for not listening to you in the beginning. Maybe if I had then, all those years ago, I could've changed. I might be someone different now.

But I didn't. And now we're over.

I'm sorry, Frank.

Love always,  
Gerard.


End file.
